June 8, 2005 Rest In Peace Rodney Russell Privette

In December 2003, a man and I connected on Black Planet.  We talked through there and eventually went to Yahoo Messenger.  Then to phone calls.  I had just gone through a bad break-up.  After 3 and a half years the man I was going to marry up and married someone else 8 months after I moved to Baltimore.  Talk about feeling foolish.

I gave Rodney a had way to go.  He wanted to spend time with me and I kept pushing him to the side.  He would say I will pay for everything...food, gas, movies....whatever you want to do!  I would just say I couldn't.  I don't bring men around my children who isn't going to be apart of their life and when I didn't have them on the weekend I was out at Bohagers with my friends.  Living life!!

One day I got a message form Rodney that said he had been in the hospital and he was on his way back and he would let me know everything when he got back home.  When he called me it wasn't anything I expected.  He had been at work one day.  He delivered hardwood floors.  He felt weak and tired so he sat in the truck.  Later on that night he was at his neighbor's house and wasn't feeling well again.  They called the ambulance and he then found out his heart was enlarged.  I then stopped and said I need to give this man a chance at least.

From that day forward I spent my days loving him.  We thought we were going to have more time together.  We planned on getting married on his birthday day....September 19th so he could remember our anniversary....we talked about having another child because he didn't have any of his own....we talked about how he wanted us all to move to Suitland to be near his family.

He spent a month and a half in Johns Hopkins.  I was there, at work, college and trying to raise my kids.  I finally had to quit my job.  It was too hard.  Especially not knowing how much time I had left with him.

On June 6, 2005, Rodney and I exchanged vows in front of the hospital chaplin and she prayed with us. She said that in God's eyes we were married and a piece of paper wasn't going to change that.  They wouldn't issue a marriage certificate because Rodney was on Morphine by this time.

On June 8, 2005, I went to the hospital at 4 pm.  I opened the door and seen my father in law.  I know something had happened or was about to happen.  The doctors took him off all of the medicines that were keeping him alive and we were going to let Rodney go. Neither Mr. William or I truly wanted this but there was nothing else the doctors could do.  The damage was too severe and he was no longer a candidate for a transplant.  He stopped taking his medicines and gave up months before and that's why we were sitting in the hospital.

I had planned on leaving the hospital at around 8pm if nothing happened and go be with the kids.  At  7:55pm they pronounced him dead.  I was holding his hand and talking to him while he slipped away.  I told him that it was ok to go.  We all were going to be ok.  I just didn't want him to suffer and be in pain anymore.  I told him that I loved him and the kids loved him and to just go ahead and go.  I was in his face when he took his last breath.  He never woke up to talk to his dad and the last words he said to me were the night before as I was leaving.  He said tell the kids I love them and I love you.

9 years later and it still hurts.  I have tried to move on in my love life with no luck.  I have dated over the years and had friends but they always seem to want to play games or be so untruthful.  I never compare anyone to Rodney because he was one of a kind to say the least.  I have only seen one man that even remind me of him.  I think there is a reason for that!  I feel him with me and even hear his voice at times.  I know he is watching over me and the kids.

This year has been extremely hard.  With my daughter about to give birth to my grandson in a matter of weeks and Rodney isn't here, Kashmir is sad about that.  And then the untimely passing of a man who was and still is an impact on the city....Derrick Jones aka Yo Slick  aka OOH......its just been even more emotional especially since he and Rodney were the same at when they passed!

So please I beg you all that if you love someone let them know!  Tell them every day that you have with them!!!  You never know how long you have with them!!